A Letter to Mom & Dad

When I was young, I had the tendency to be difficult. Maybe even impossible.

I struggled with disrespect and allowing my emotions to dictate my actions, which in turn made those closest to me miserable.

Why am I sharing this? Well, after those strong emotions would subside, I could see how unreasonable I had been. In one particular instance, I decided to write both my mom and dad a letter letting them know how much they meant to me, though that wasn’t necessarily the end of my aforementioned behavior. I remember not too long after my dad told me not to write another letter unless I was going to change my behavior. My letter had presented itself as a bandaid slapped on an indication of a larger issue. The best apology is to change behavior after all. That was an important life lesson for me. I haven’t written one since then, not because my behavior hasn’t changed, but because I was overtly aware of how much weight that would carry should I decide to do so.

Well, I am now 23 years old and I am confident that my behavior does not even remotely resemble that of teenage Kendall, so this is a letter to my mom and dad.

Dear Mom & Dad,

Where to start but at the beginning? My childhood memories are filled with light. You know how early memories can seem a bit hazy but they have some kind of ubiquitous theme? Mine have a sort of golden warmth to them. Feelings of safety and laughter, gratitude, and euphoric thankfulness. That may seem an odd sentence coming from me, a melancholy, glass-half-empty sort of girl, but it’s true. How blessed am I to be able to reminisce on my childhood with such fond affection?

I’ve always held you both in high esteem, not because I thought you were perfect. You made it very clear to me that you weren’t. I held you in high regard because you were and are, so plainly, amazing parents. I am blessed to have the life that I do, and to have you in it, because of your strength and efforts. From the beginning, you two were incredibly open about your struggles and about the things that contributed to who you are as people. I was raised to know the hardships of life but not to be defined by them. My childhood is cherished and was beautiful, thanks to the sacrifices made by you both. Despite any struggles I may have had as an individual, they were all met with love and diligent efforts to aid me. For that, I am eternally grateful.

As parents, you never retreated from the “I love you” or the “I am proud of you”. One thing I came to realize though, is that who tells you that they’re proud of you? It seems as though, one day, we all grow up and get to the age where people think we don’t need to hear it. Saying that, I would like to proceed in all seriousness. I am so proud of both of you. I am so proud of your journies to the life you have now. I am proud of everything you have worked through and how you have managed to create such a beautiful and captivating life. You have taught me how to press onward despite difficulty and how to get the most out of life. I know that I don’t put all of your advice into practice, but it has a great bearing and I hope one day I can start to improve where I need to in a fashion that makes you worry about me less. Most of all, though, I am proud to have you as my mom and dad.